June 6th, 2017

      Today was a pretty eventful day. I visited my therapist, as I always do each week. Then proceeded to visit the cosmetology school I plan on attending next week. My anxiety wasn't as bad as it was the last time I went. My stress levels, however, were quite high. I've had major communication issues with my previous high school and receiving my transcript so I can go to school. I haven't had much to eat in the previous days nor have I had much rest. I've been constantly thinking and imagining how the school will be and if I can get my transcript sent on time. On the bright side, the cosmetology school is very lenient and forgiving. It seems everything is set and I'm able to attend orientation on Monday. I'm feeling very nervous about meeting my future peers and what they will think of me. I'm extremely shy and have a hard time really opening up to people, especially strangers. 
    
      It really is odd how my anxiety and depression levels can change throughout the day and can show up in the most inconvenient of times. For example, today it hasn't been too bad. However, tonight I was sent with my sister to pick up dinner for all of us. When my sister and I got to the Subway I was instantly frozen by the worker simply because I had never seen him before. I have been to this Subway by our home several times but for some reason, I couldn't bring myself to open my car door. After several minutes of arguing with my younger sister we left. I drove down the road and was crying because I couldn't make myself walk in and order a damn sandwich. I was extremely mad at myself and just lashed out on my sister. I really hate pushing my frustration, anger, sadness, and whatever else on other people. 
    
      In addition to all the stress of transitioning to a new setting like my school, a boy I was interested in broke things off with me. It wasn't a serious shock or anything, but it really sucks ass that someone you grow to care about leaves. He did have his own demons he was working with and issues he was fighting through. I understand why he broke things off, but I still can't help how I feel about it. It hurts. Maybe one day we can try things again and see if it can work itself out because I do really care about him. He was definitely special to me. Even if he is only meant to be just a friend, I definitely cherish the chances we had to speak to one another.  

~Smiley♡